Sarah (sam_09) wrote,
Sarah
sam_09

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pathetic sadness!!

have you ever been so afraid to get close to someome because your afraid of being hurt....? Have you ever been afraid after you've been hurt to try to mend things because you're afraid of letting them back inside and vice versa and getting crushed even harder the next time they tear your heart in two....??? that's the story of my life...not being able to let go the first time i'm hurt and letting it happen to me all over again and over again...you'd think a person would learn the first time..but no i'm one of those people who constantly thinks people are genuinely honest and caring...that your best friend would never lie to you...instead i let people walk all over my feelings..and then some. YOu belive them...i guess that would be called niave.. I put the one i love up on a pedestal..like a perfect prince when in reality there nothing like that ..but that's just the way i think about love..like a magical..spiritual..almost dream like thing..they say you don;t choose the ones you fall in love with.......that's it just happens ...well i've fallen in love with some real winners..not! And yes i can be selfish and almost uncaring at times...that's something i don;t like about myself..but i put me first too much. But no one wants to be let down the way i've been let down. thought i had a friendship too one that would last forever..well maybe forever came sooner than i thought..maybe it wasn't in the stars..but maybe years from now..i'll see this person and be able to at least talk and not feel uncomfortable..maybe someday. But i will never forget the words..the actions..and the way i felt..both good and bad about this person. let it go..let it go..erase it from your mind..i should have listened to those words a long time ago....ughhhhhh....mad at myself more than anyone. I;d like to think i'm strong..but i don;t know. But a strong person wouldn't walk around with a broken heart..like i do. I have to hide it though..but being such a sensitive person and personal person..it's so hard. I'm in almost in tears...whenever i talk about any thing that's affected me...especially my feelings for someone that i could never completely show. GOD!! It hurts. no one wants to lose anyone. I know it probably won't help but i did care...and wanted to help...and be there. But i knew i was being lied too....it just wasn't the right time to approach it..because it was selfish of me..your going through a lot and i'm sorry...but like i said you probably don;t care if i said shit anymore. Fuck it...........i'll leave ya be
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