Sarah (sam_09) wrote,
Sarah
sam_09

GOD! WHY!

why the hell do things get so fucked up......i mean you tell a friend well you think there a friend and then when you least expect it they run and tell the other person everything you say and to top it all off...accuse you of something you didn;t do and it gets worse they use that anger and the fact that they told that other person what you think to use against you like a guilt trip or something...because they are pissed. And i find it slightly funny that the one i was talking about thinks there gonna get me good..they think they have me all figured out..well the things i think and say should have never left the person i confided in but that just goes to show who you can trust...definitely not the person i thought was my friend..i have no fucking schemes up my sleave either...i just have a severe communication problem with someone. you know if you didn't trust me the first time i accused you of this shit why didn;t you jsut say fuck it and walk away...i never did what you think i did. if i have issues with someone those issues should have been dealt with one on one..with no third party involved. You haven't destroyed anything in me.........if anything i finally realize how impossible some things can be and that i have been trying to be a part of someone's life who simply won't give me reason to want to be. And the reason is this whole friendship or whatever it is i don;t know should not have lasted this long and should have gone somewhere else a long time ago... it's caused unnecessary nonscence...instead of just leavin it behind i would go through these stupid jealousy episodes and i would get mad because i felt i was being lead on......because of you having our girlfriend at home too...and wanting me at the same time..i didn;t fuckin understand it and so i would get crazy upset..instead of just walking away........i was so fucking in love with you that i thought i was doing the right thing by staying around....but lately more and more i feel i really should have gave up when my heart was broken the first time....... i've tried to be friends with you since then but my feelings always get in the way...i can't make someone love me. I do need to get a life. i never had any closure and i guess i should have just given myself that closure because i was never gonna get it from you........i'm sorry i fuckin messed with things before with your email and shit ..but i didn't do it again after that one and only time...and i'm sorry things got so mixed up that you think i'm a psycho..i'm sorry about not trusting you when i should have..but i'm not asking for any forgiveness becasue i know i don't deserve it...i'm sorry i never left a long time ago and just forgot about what i wanted instead of being selfish....and pushy..and jealous..it was dumb. But i'm human too..we make mistakes. i'm sorry i'm even saying all this becasue things should have never gone this far i would have saved a lot of shit from happening..but it has..so now i must and will move on and disappear for good becasue i know i'm hated and disrespected and untrusted so who wants me...but never intended to be. i have to start over fresh and new somewhere else..and leave your lives alone forever..
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